


the office: an alternian workplace

by riveatstoes



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/F, F/M, Half-humanstuck, The Office AU, The only thing that came from the trolls is their horns n shit, Trolls with mostly human traits, yuh~
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 08:47:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28525719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riveatstoes/pseuds/riveatstoes
Summary: this does not take place on alternia, that was just for the sake of the title.a series of mini-fics for an au i made! in which all of the characters work in an office setting, of course inspired by the american sitcom, “the office.” some dramatic traits are inspired by the show. at the beginning, everything is calm, and then gradually gets worse.should last for about one season.
Relationships: (Hinted) Eridan Ampora/Feferi Peixes, (Possible) Sollux Captor/Aradia Megido, (hinted) Jade Harley/Rose Lalonde, Cronus Ampora/Aradia Megido, June Egbert/Dave Strider, Nepeta Leijon/Equius Zahhak, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, Terezi Pyrope/Vriska Serket
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	the office: an alternian workplace

**Author's Note:**

> roles for future reference
> 
> aradia - reception  
> tavros, sollux, karkat - accounting  
> nepeta - supplier relations  
> kanaya - office administrator  
> terezi, vriska, equius, gamzee - sales  
> eridan - temp  
> feferi - manager  
> rose - human resources  
> jade - customer service  
> dave - warehouse manager  
> june - corporate rep  
> dirk, jake, rufioh, mituna, latula, horuss, kurloz, cronus - warehouse  
> jane, roxy, damara, meulin, kankri, porrim, aranea, meenah - corporate
> 
> all main characters are above the age of 21

Let’s make this clear: nobody knew much about Kanaya Maryam. She took a seat in the back of the room, just because it was open, and she applied for office administrator when the job was available. Besides that, the only things anyone knew about her was that she got the job, and that she was married to their HR rep, Rose.

She was quiet; so quiet that it often made everyone uncomfortable. She drank a ridiculous amount of Big Red, a drink nobody else in the building liked. It was red, obviously, so at one point Vriska even tried to start a rumor that she was a vampire. Feferi shut that down quickly.

The time was four thirty-seven; twenty-three minutes before they could go home. Everyone was starting to wrap up their work, and of course that meant that someone just had to have something come up.

“I have to return something to the refrigeration company down the hall,” Kanaya told Aradia, “Would you mind informing Rose of that if I don’t come back before five?”

“Sure!”

That’s when Tavros had an idea, “Mind if I come with you?”

Kanaya sure was surprised, but she wasn’t going to be mean to the accountant, so she agreed.

Vriska snickered, “Wow, the coward and the vampire. A collaboration none of us needed.” Terezi just groaned and went back to packing up.

Though they sat back-to-back, this was really the first time Tavros was able to get a good look at her. She was tall; like, really, unfairly tall. He cursed his height, which at the moment was making him look like an actual child.

“What do you have to return?” He asked once they left the main part of the office.

She shrugged, “I borrowed someone from there’s cookbook,” she pulled it out of her purse, “I was just talking to them randomly while waiting for Rose to come to the car, and I said something about our date night coming up. They told me they had some really good desert recipes in here, and said I could borrow it. That was last week, and this is the first time I’ve had a chance to return it.”

“Did Rose like the desert?”

“Heavens, no,” she laughed, “I burnt it. Baking’s always been more on her level.”

“I’m sure she was still happy anyways.”

“She was. Though, it is her job to make me feel good. She’s my wife.”

Tavros shook his head, “Nobody’s obligated to make you feel good. She really likes you.”

“I would sure hope so,” she paused, “Have you spoken with her?”

“We have lunch at the same time, so we talk then. Usually it’s just about books or stupid fantasies, but sometimes the conversation drifts to our love lives. She has this huge grin on her face whenever she talks about you.”

Kanaya couldn’t hold back a smile, “Really?”

“Mhm! Of course, that is around the time Eridan jumps in and talks about how he’s given so much to Feferi, and how she won’t give him anything back. Which is really inappropriate, since she is our boss, but what can you do?”

“Have you told Feferi about that?”

He nodded, “Multiple times. She has a talk with him, but things go back to the way they were. She doesn’t have the heart to fire him.”

“Sad,” Kanaya muttered. It was then that they’d reached the refrigeration unit, Cal&Cal Refrigeration. She informed Tavros that she’d be back out in a moment, and he agreed to wait by the door. It wasn’t that big of a deal.

She was nicer than he expected her to be, especially with all of the office gossip. She wasn’t a vampire, she just liked Big Red. She wasn’t creepy, she was just quiet. All Kanaya is, is an employee for a paper company.

He couldn’t wait to rub that in Vriska’s face when she realized it too.

It wasn’t long before the door opened again, and the two were able to return to their own unit. It was around 4:55 by then, so they were both sure Rose would be waiting for them to return.

“How did it go?”

“As expected. They thanked me for bringing it back.”

He laughed, “You took longer than I thought you would for something so simple.”

“Oh!” She realized something, “Yes, after I brought it back, their receptionist wanted to show me some baby pictures. And then some salesman offered me some of the brownies in the break room. I took a few for Rose and I.”

“Ah, cool!” If the people at Cal&Cal Refrigeration can get along that much with Kanaya, why couldn’t the people at their company do the same? She’s so nice!

When they reached their door, Kanaya stopped and looked at him, “Why does Vriska think I’m a vampire?”

He sighed, “Maybe...maybe just lay off the Big Red a bit.”

“Yeah, okay,” she went to grab the door handle, and as she turned it, she said, “Thanks for walking with me. It’s good to have someone to talk to.”

“No problem!”

They walked inside, and then that’s when they realized that the only people left were Rose, Aradia, and whoever was with Dave in his office — they assumed it was June. That was the most probable answer.

When Rose saw them, she walked over, rather quickly, and took Kanaya by the hand. It just then hit Tavros how much shorter Rose was, and he had to stop himself from pointing out the height difference.

Then she looked at him with a look, and he stopped himself from doing anything. He knew better than about anyone that if Rose was upset with you for whatever reason, she would insult you, but like, in an accurate way. The people in the office learned that the hard way, and they often compared it to how John Mulaney thinks of thirteen-year-olds.

But all she said was: “I’m trusting you took good care of her.”

“O-Of course!” Did Rose actually think he would try anything? Come on, Vriska literally called him a coward on a daily basis, there was no way!

Kanaya nodded, “He was very nice. We had a very good conversation.”

“Okay. Good,” she turned her attention to her wife, “Let’s go, I’m hungry.” And as the two walked out, Tavros looked at Aradia, who was smiling at some piece of paper she had.

He made a mental note to ask her about that later. For now, he had to get home. If he stayed there much longer, he might as well just live there. That was his way of thinking, anyways.

“Goodnight,” Aradia said.

“Night.”


End file.
